August 24, 2006


One of the key words psychiatrists use to describe the status of the mentally ill people they treat is "insight". PdeFF has minimal insight into his illness. That means he doesn't think he has perceptual problems: the world really is the way he imagines it, it's just everyone else that has the problem. Insight means the person understands that the problem really begins (and ends) internally. But really, lack of insight is pretty much part of the human condition.

Big Grampa has insight problems: it's LOS's fault that he has lost touch with his grandchildren, not his fault for moving to Kamchatka and Mongolia. A number of my depressed friends have insight problems: they're so depressed, therapy would be useless(!) and medication? Why switch -- if it's not working that means nothing will, right? Most of the men I saw before my marriage ended, whose wives didn't understand them, they had insight trouble: nobody understands them, and there's nothing they could do about it (right . . .).

I worry about my own insight into my own motivations or the complete lack thereof. Part of that is that 13 years of marriage plus and additional 3 years with PdeFF on his own private reality island have left me quite dubious about my own judgment, self-evaluation, and ability to gauge others in just about every aspect of life. Hence my delayed reaction to the annoying woman who didn't want me to read aloud to my daughter, to Dramatiste (the loud woman who talked about confidential stuff on the bus), and other incidents.

I want to trust my own judgment without being so certain that I start viewing the world through preconceived notions rather than actually trying to figure out what's goihng on. Oh, I'm too tired to tackle this now. Maybe I'll revisit this later.

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