Something happened last week that filled me with fear. I was not diagnosed with a mortal illness. My last pap smear (two weeks ago) was just fine. I had a mammogram this morning, and the technician didn't make any tsking sounds or say "Let's wait for the doctor." so all is good there. Sven hasn't done anything more moronic than losing his jobs, getting admitted to a substance abuse program, and scaring the shit out of his mother (and presumable his father as well). I have a trip to the Atlantic Coast of Florida to see FoilMormor in a couple of weeks. NuclearGrammy and Aunt Elsebet are both doing well. Cousin Roland's wife is actually recovering from her ostomy repair and she and Roland are rebuilding after their baby's death.
My work is busy and fairly enjoyable, despite some needy, nudgy colleagues who haven't learned that "I want it" isn't even a good argument for me to do something when it comes from the mouth of either DestructoGirl or TigerGrrl. PdeFF is back from foreign climbs so I'm not a single mother 24/7, just 24/3.5.
What scared the hair off my legs (yes, I should shave more often, but really, I don't give a flying fuck) was this: a little less than two weeks ago, I was sound asleep enjoying a lack of insomnia that only an insomniac can appreciate, when I woke to hear my bedroom door open. At first, I thought DG had had a night-time accident and wanted a clean t-shirt and a dry bed (mine); it wasn't. It was TG, saying she couldn't sleep because she was too hot and there was a voice in her head so she couldn't sleep.
I want a hero of the Soviet Union award for not displaying any fear. I didn't give my daughter any indication that what she had said pretty much disembowelled me.
I invited my daughter to cuddle with me, did not say "You're hearing voices? That's what your Insane Father does. We're doomed!" No. I used my inborn powers of deceit and said: "Honey, if you can't sleep, you come to me. You've done the right thing." I got her a cool washcloth for her forehead, and she climbed into bed with me, clutched me like Mr. Scratchy (her favorite nous-nous, Aka stuffed animal, from CookieDear) and promptly fell asleep, complete with cute not-so-little snoring noises that let me know her insomnia was gone.
Of course, my insomnia was back. In the mornin, TG woke up, a little tired, but lucid and with no altered demeanor or affect. I got her to school, caught the Metro to work, and immediately called MNOT and left her a message telling her that I needed her to call me back, it was an emergency. Then I got online and searched for medical and other histories of pre-adolescents hearing voices.
Which was a huge relief. Lots of kids hear voices. Thirty percent of all kids hear voices, and most are normal, sane children. This relieves me, but doesn't total alleviate worry. Because of course, PdeFF is batshit insane. His hallucinations were mainly olfactory, not auditory, but really. And TG has a mother with depression, and other mental illness on her maternal side. And this shit can be hereditary.
MNOT was very reassuring. Obviously, I need to be vigilant and I need to find out what TG was hearing (upon further questioning, TG told me the voice said nothing, but just sounded angry). Apparently, kids can have waking dreams or hear voices and not have any mental illness problems.
Not that I'm taking that as a given either. But mood changes (beyond those of impending adolescence) are apparently the real worry, and those aren't makin an appearance.
But my insomnia is back.
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4 comments:
Ugh. Surely if it weren't for the ex's situation you'd not give this a thought. (Alas, he IS in the picture, I know...)
Susan hears voices in her sleep all the time, and her sleep / wake margin is very gray and very broad. Things of her sleep encroach on her waking consciousness.
My money is on any of the zillion other explanations. I send a hug to all.
Some of my friends had a similar issue with their son. It seems that his imagination has finally kicked in.
Its probably nothing to be worried about. Sounds to me that TG is going to be very creative in her future...... I appeciate its scary stuff though!
Well, I'm going to vote for sleepwalking and just communicating her dreaming status to you instead. We know she sleepwalks and does/says odd things, or at least that she's done that in the past. You wouldn't believe all the odd things I said/did while sleepwalking. So, I'm totally hoping it's just that. I can understand why you're worried, though, all things considered. Sigh. I'm sorry, FW.
Bil: The further in time I get from the event, the calmer I feel. She could rationally discuss what she felt, she had the good sense to be scared, and she came right to me. Also, a number of people I have told about this have told me that they not only heard voices as kids, but still do on occasion in the grey area between sleep and waking. But that was a bad night.
Mr. Cat: And my girl has plenty of imagination to being with. As I said above, I'm caling down, but jeez.
Kira: Yes, I'd actually put her sleepwalking out of my mind. She hasn't done it in a while. This was a recurrence. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.
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