Innana and my not-quite-a-roadtrip yesterday was lovely. I drove the Toaster out to Warrenton, and we discovered that the Fauquier County library used book store is abso-fucking-lutely divine. Hardcover books range from $1-$3. Paperbacks from $.25 to $1. I got: Underworld, by Don Delillo (I find him unreadable, but I'll try again); The Confessions of Nat Turner, by William Styron; The Inheritance of Loss, by Kiran Desai; The Mambo Kings Play Songs of Love, by Oscar Hijuelos; The Philosopher's Pupil, by Iris Murdoch (amazingly, I've never read any Murdoch); Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee, by Dee Brown; and The Children's Book, by A.S. Byatt, most in hardcover or really good condition paperback. Total cost: $8. Booyah!
And even as we sat on the rooftop deck on a wine bar having lunch, the trees were beginning to bud. When we left Innana's flat, the flowering tulip outside her window was just budding. The only jarring note on the drive home was that beds of tulips had been planted to be instantly blooming along th GW parkway. Aren't tulips perennials? Rebedding them each spring seems rathehr wasteful.
Despite worries about non-functional relatives (and relatives of friends) we just relaxed and enjoyed the day.
Innana's wonder-cat, Rajah, has spring fever rather badly and is doing a really good impression of Linda Blair in the Exorcist when thwarted in his desire to go outside. Also, he really wants more crackers put out by the window so the squirrels come by more often, because the All-Squirrels-All-The-Time channel is his fave. The squirrels pay him no mind, but accept snacks from Innana as their due. You might think the rodent-sized brain of the average gray squirrel wouldn't lead to much nuanced thought, but you would be wrong. Clearly, the squirrels have a complex algebraic formula in their heads (well, complex to a squirrel whose brain, is, after all, rodent-sized) to assess the risk of being eaten by a rather peevish, but overall sedentary cat when sitting on a window sill outside Innana's flat. Here it is:
Where F = assumed ferocity of cat; pVc = potentially velocity of cat when springing; C = chubbiness of cat (diminishing potential for V to any great degree); T = Thickness of Screen; P = presence of human audience; pVs = potential velocity of squirrel, which is affected by weight of crackers and peanuts ingested and being carried, and lethargicness caused by a nice meal; then:
F x pVc/C
_______________
T x P x pVs
Ergo, Rajah will never, ever catch those squirrels, being the sedentary feline who is not a 25 pounder or anything, but is still a fine and robust (round) figure of a cat.
March 21, 2010
March 20, 2010
Enough Gloom and Doom: Here Comes the Sun (and It's Going to Be A Bright, Bright Sunshiney Day)
So according to Richard Wiseman's 59 Seconds: Think a Little, Change a Lot, spending money on experiences pretty invariably makes people happier than things. And having nice experiences without spending money probably rates just as high. So Innana and I are escaping are not-too-successfully adjusting to adulthood or its impending arrival nieces and nephews as the case may be, and are taking a road trip. Where? I don't know. Somewhere within an hour or two of Alexandria, that's certain. Somewhere to enjoy the nice weather, have a nice meal, and hang out. Yup. That's the plan.
I hope you have having nice Saturdays as well.
I hope you have having nice Saturdays as well.
March 18, 2010
Hostage to Fortune
Well, Francis Bacon said it: "He that hath a wife and children hath given hostages to fortune." But it's anyone who loves anyone, and any person to whom one feels protective. My life isn't tied to Sven, but things that he does affect those to whom my life is tied.
LOS and I aren't super-close as far as siblings go, but I truly love her, I trust her, and I want her to be happy. I have kids of my own, so I can partially figure out what she must be feeling to see her eldest child self-destruct. LOS has been through alcoholism already with her husband, who I have to name, so I'll just call him LOS's Husband or LOSH for short. I didn't support LOS a lot during the whole LOSH's alcoholism thing, at least when it recurred in 2004-2006, because really, I had PdeFF and his status as a delusional psychotic who I was divorcing to deal with and that sucked up a lot of time and energy. But now she gets to go through it again, including checking a child into a psychiatric facility. That's just one of those experiences that you never want to have, kind of like amputating your own arm with a pen-knife in the wilderness.
And both FoilMormor and Big Grampa are pretty distressed to know that a child of theirs has the pleasure of checking a child of hers into a psychiatric facility or addiction treatment center (which is a psychiatric facility, so there you are). They've been through this with NSLOS (and Big Grampa went through this with FoilMormor, although she made a full recovery, so that' s hopeful).
And TG and DG both love Sven, LOS, LOSH, and LOS's younger son, Christian (hey, it's a Danish name), so they'll be hurt if Sven crashes and burns, and they'll fee sad for LOS, LOSH, Christian, and Sven. Normally, TG goes to New England in the winter to ski, toboggan, and generally hang out with LOS and her family. That didn't happen this year, and now I've figured out why. I'm hoping next year TG will be able to take her midwinter trip.
But this waiting to see if someone else will become functional is really not fun. I remember this from 2005-2006. Again, when I next see Sven (see comments to prior post), I'm slapping his face. At least in my mind.
LOS and I aren't super-close as far as siblings go, but I truly love her, I trust her, and I want her to be happy. I have kids of my own, so I can partially figure out what she must be feeling to see her eldest child self-destruct. LOS has been through alcoholism already with her husband, who I have to name, so I'll just call him LOS's Husband or LOSH for short. I didn't support LOS a lot during the whole LOSH's alcoholism thing, at least when it recurred in 2004-2006, because really, I had PdeFF and his status as a delusional psychotic who I was divorcing to deal with and that sucked up a lot of time and energy. But now she gets to go through it again, including checking a child into a psychiatric facility. That's just one of those experiences that you never want to have, kind of like amputating your own arm with a pen-knife in the wilderness.
And both FoilMormor and Big Grampa are pretty distressed to know that a child of theirs has the pleasure of checking a child of hers into a psychiatric facility or addiction treatment center (which is a psychiatric facility, so there you are). They've been through this with NSLOS (and Big Grampa went through this with FoilMormor, although she made a full recovery, so that' s hopeful).
And TG and DG both love Sven, LOS, LOSH, and LOS's younger son, Christian (hey, it's a Danish name), so they'll be hurt if Sven crashes and burns, and they'll fee sad for LOS, LOSH, Christian, and Sven. Normally, TG goes to New England in the winter to ski, toboggan, and generally hang out with LOS and her family. That didn't happen this year, and now I've figured out why. I'm hoping next year TG will be able to take her midwinter trip.
But this waiting to see if someone else will become functional is really not fun. I remember this from 2005-2006. Again, when I next see Sven (see comments to prior post), I'm slapping his face. At least in my mind.
March 14, 2010
Zero Sum Game
Apparently my good luck this last month is balanced by truly craptastic luck on the part of my sister, LOS. LOS's eldest son, Sven the Viking has shown his Nordic heritage, and not in a good way. Stereotypical, but common enough that the stereotype scares those of us who like a nice glass of wine or pint of beer or shot of Aqvavit or Vodka or whatever. Sven is in a rehab center for alcoholism, following managing to get his girlfriend (who we all like and think deserves better at this point) pregnant, get evicted from his apartment (after spending all his girlfriend's rent money on booze and possible other, worse -- more totally illegal -- items, and go on a bender losing him his last two jobs on bad terms with employers who had hitherto been rather fond of him.
The one bright spot in this extravaganza of bad news is that LOS and her husband, who has recovered from alcohol problems of his own, don't have to spend a dime for the rehab. Amazinglyu enough, in the disaster that is uninsured health care in the US, Sven, by moving to another state and establishing and independent domicile, got himself to a point where hospitalization for addiction will not bankrupt my hardworking and VERY tired (she's exhausted) sister and her husband.*
But my sister and her husband have had the unenviable experience of checking their uninsured and incoherent son (willing, but not functional) into rehab. Not an experience any parent wants to contemplate, much less experience.
Needless to say, LOS is winging her way down, for the last time (the place is on the market) to a Florida beach with FoilMormor right now. They'll float in the ocean, and FoilMormor will empathize, share her experiences of checking kids (NSLOS) into hospitals, and how she survived. Normally I boast about my great genetic gifts to my kids: they're tall, they're good looking, they're smart. But I also worry and wonder: my kids have mental illness on both maternal and paternal sides, and some pretty strong alcoholism/other addiction genes on my side from both my mother and father's line.
I don't sense any frailties in either TG or DG, but I do worry a smidge. Sometimes these things just come along and smack you just for the pleasure of it. I know that alcoholism, mental illness, and drug addiction aren't sentient beings, but it someitmes feels as if they are, and they are imaginary beings I imagine as miy enemies, and those of my sister as well.
LOS did not ask for anything when I asked what I could do, but I do think my trip to New England this summer will be by the new Toaster, and will involve a long weekend at LOS's place (I'll save to pay for a hotel, and will not put her to more work) with a little pampering thrown in.
Just a few days ago I was thinking about how good life can be after a bad turn. I hope LOS feels that way a year or two from now.
*Innana, I know you read this. No-one else who knows LOS does. So imagine this post is about someone else. Thanks. LOS deserves the illusion of privacy about this one, and, as always, I trust your good manners and discretion.
The one bright spot in this extravaganza of bad news is that LOS and her husband, who has recovered from alcohol problems of his own, don't have to spend a dime for the rehab. Amazinglyu enough, in the disaster that is uninsured health care in the US, Sven, by moving to another state and establishing and independent domicile, got himself to a point where hospitalization for addiction will not bankrupt my hardworking and VERY tired (she's exhausted) sister and her husband.*
But my sister and her husband have had the unenviable experience of checking their uninsured and incoherent son (willing, but not functional) into rehab. Not an experience any parent wants to contemplate, much less experience.
Needless to say, LOS is winging her way down, for the last time (the place is on the market) to a Florida beach with FoilMormor right now. They'll float in the ocean, and FoilMormor will empathize, share her experiences of checking kids (NSLOS) into hospitals, and how she survived. Normally I boast about my great genetic gifts to my kids: they're tall, they're good looking, they're smart. But I also worry and wonder: my kids have mental illness on both maternal and paternal sides, and some pretty strong alcoholism/other addiction genes on my side from both my mother and father's line.
I don't sense any frailties in either TG or DG, but I do worry a smidge. Sometimes these things just come along and smack you just for the pleasure of it. I know that alcoholism, mental illness, and drug addiction aren't sentient beings, but it someitmes feels as if they are, and they are imaginary beings I imagine as miy enemies, and those of my sister as well.
LOS did not ask for anything when I asked what I could do, but I do think my trip to New England this summer will be by the new Toaster, and will involve a long weekend at LOS's place (I'll save to pay for a hotel, and will not put her to more work) with a little pampering thrown in.
Just a few days ago I was thinking about how good life can be after a bad turn. I hope LOS feels that way a year or two from now.
*Innana, I know you read this. No-one else who knows LOS does. So imagine this post is about someone else. Thanks. LOS deserves the illusion of privacy about this one, and, as always, I trust your good manners and discretion.
March 11, 2010
Deus ex Machina in Real Life; or, Losses and Gains: I Love My Toaster (And Someone Loves Me)
The NuclearGrammyMobile is now an ex-car. Rather like an ex-parrot. It has ceased to be. Actually, it may live a bit longer, but it won't be me who ponies up $1,800 for a new transmission, and that is because I have a lovely new (and I mean BRAND spanking new) car, or actually, and brand spanking new rectangular vehicle of indeterminate sort.
So the 1996 Oldsmobile (yeah, it was an Oldsmobile) is history and I have a Scion xB. You can assume it's Silver as that seems to be the color of every other car or SUV in my neighborhood.* Of course, the Scion isn't an SUV: it's an "urban" utility vehicle. It's built on a car platform. And I truly do love the little toaster, even if I never would have dreamed of owning this vehicle.**
So how do I own a NEW vehicle? Well, Scion is a scion of Toyota, of course, and they're having a smidge of an image problem right now, even if Scion was never part of the recalls. Also, PdeFF has been on another continent, in another hemisphere, since Feb. 10. Because of that, FoilMormor was here in the DC area for a long weekend, right smack dab in the middle of my foray (truly horrific) into absolute single parenting.***
During that weekend, the NuclearGrammyMobile died the good death, unfortunately right when I was trying to take TigerGrrl to a school skating event. I cried in front of my daughters and my mother.
Fortunately, my mother took care of the kids while I lined up the tow ($8 co-pay, thank you GEICO!) and the rental car. She thought about the situation for about 8 hours (while sleeping), woke up last Saturday and announce that we were going car shopping. "You need my help to pay for the repair. I'm not paying for it. You're getting a reliable car. I'm paying for that."
Her plan was a 1-2 year old Subaru, but then we both had the genius thought: Toyota. They'll make a deal. I look at the recs for Toyota Corollas and Matrixes. But then, at the dealership, we discovered the entry level, fixed price, Scion. FoilMormor offered to write a check for a few K less than the Consumer Reports price "Everything included, cash of the barrel, and you have a sale." It was Feb. 28, after a month of bad Toyota news.
I have a new car with anti-lock breaks, front and side-impact airbags, and side airbag curtains. I have a stellar stereo system which I could give a crap about and don't know how to operate, but TigerGrrl is all over that. TigerGrrl and DestructoGirl have been showing off the car.+ It's been two weeks, and I'm still in shock, but looking forward to seeing SNV tomorrow (and washing my car in her driveway).
What do I know? The NuclearGrammyMobile served me and my girls well. Now we have the FoilMormorMobile. It's a mobile symbol of love, much as the NuclearGrammyMobile was. Key FoilMormor quote: "I'll worry too much if you don't have a reliable car. This is new. It's under warrantee, it's cheap, and it's safe. Within three years, you won't be paying so much for child care, and you'll be saving for a new car. And I'm selling the Florida home, and I'll give your sister the same amount (LOS: NSLOS's money will go into a special needs trust) so don't feel guilty. This makes me happy." And it is like FoilMormor was Glinda the Good Witch, waving her wand.
And yes, it is somewhat infantalizing. And no, I don't give a flying fuck.
*It's not silver, but it might as well be silver, so there you are.
**Honestly, I have a brain, and an awareness of my financial situation. I knew the NuclearGrannyMobile wasn't going to last forever, but I thought I'd be lucky to get a used Kia or Hyundai, and I would have been happy to get either, I'm not sneering.
***Let me just say now, true single parenthood isn't for the birds; they for the most part, share parenting responsibilities. Single parenthood is evolutionarily not a very evolved state, bringing out lots of reptilian brain function. "Because I said so" is a common phrase. We had complaints from neighbors about noise when DestructoGirl and TigerGrrl fought. (I resisted the urge to recommend the nearby home for the nearly deceased, and I want an award, or points. Really.)
+Sample DestructoGirl quote of praise: "It has mirrors! It has wheels! It has doors!" So you can see what a deal we made.
So the 1996 Oldsmobile (yeah, it was an Oldsmobile) is history and I have a Scion xB. You can assume it's Silver as that seems to be the color of every other car or SUV in my neighborhood.* Of course, the Scion isn't an SUV: it's an "urban" utility vehicle. It's built on a car platform. And I truly do love the little toaster, even if I never would have dreamed of owning this vehicle.**
So how do I own a NEW vehicle? Well, Scion is a scion of Toyota, of course, and they're having a smidge of an image problem right now, even if Scion was never part of the recalls. Also, PdeFF has been on another continent, in another hemisphere, since Feb. 10. Because of that, FoilMormor was here in the DC area for a long weekend, right smack dab in the middle of my foray (truly horrific) into absolute single parenting.***
During that weekend, the NuclearGrammyMobile died the good death, unfortunately right when I was trying to take TigerGrrl to a school skating event. I cried in front of my daughters and my mother.
Fortunately, my mother took care of the kids while I lined up the tow ($8 co-pay, thank you GEICO!) and the rental car. She thought about the situation for about 8 hours (while sleeping), woke up last Saturday and announce that we were going car shopping. "You need my help to pay for the repair. I'm not paying for it. You're getting a reliable car. I'm paying for that."
Her plan was a 1-2 year old Subaru, but then we both had the genius thought: Toyota. They'll make a deal. I look at the recs for Toyota Corollas and Matrixes. But then, at the dealership, we discovered the entry level, fixed price, Scion. FoilMormor offered to write a check for a few K less than the Consumer Reports price "Everything included, cash of the barrel, and you have a sale." It was Feb. 28, after a month of bad Toyota news.
I have a new car with anti-lock breaks, front and side-impact airbags, and side airbag curtains. I have a stellar stereo system which I could give a crap about and don't know how to operate, but TigerGrrl is all over that. TigerGrrl and DestructoGirl have been showing off the car.+ It's been two weeks, and I'm still in shock, but looking forward to seeing SNV tomorrow (and washing my car in her driveway).
What do I know? The NuclearGrammyMobile served me and my girls well. Now we have the FoilMormorMobile. It's a mobile symbol of love, much as the NuclearGrammyMobile was. Key FoilMormor quote: "I'll worry too much if you don't have a reliable car. This is new. It's under warrantee, it's cheap, and it's safe. Within three years, you won't be paying so much for child care, and you'll be saving for a new car. And I'm selling the Florida home, and I'll give your sister the same amount (LOS: NSLOS's money will go into a special needs trust) so don't feel guilty. This makes me happy." And it is like FoilMormor was Glinda the Good Witch, waving her wand.
And yes, it is somewhat infantalizing. And no, I don't give a flying fuck.
*It's not silver, but it might as well be silver, so there you are.
**Honestly, I have a brain, and an awareness of my financial situation. I knew the NuclearGrannyMobile wasn't going to last forever, but I thought I'd be lucky to get a used Kia or Hyundai, and I would have been happy to get either, I'm not sneering.
***Let me just say now, true single parenthood isn't for the birds; they for the most part, share parenting responsibilities. Single parenthood is evolutionarily not a very evolved state, bringing out lots of reptilian brain function. "Because I said so" is a common phrase. We had complaints from neighbors about noise when DestructoGirl and TigerGrrl fought. (I resisted the urge to recommend the nearby home for the nearly deceased, and I want an award, or points. Really.)
+Sample DestructoGirl quote of praise: "It has mirrors! It has wheels! It has doors!" So you can see what a deal we made.
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