March 16, 2014

Remembering Why I Don't Write Here Much

The reason is exhaustion, pure and simple. During the Dark Times (pre-divorce, divorce, and immediate post-divorce), I was so nervous and afraid that adrenaline kept me up at all hours, and I would write to soothe myself. Now, I don't worry so much, largely because I don't need to do so. I still worry about money, PdeFF, my friends in trouble (Cookie in England, with job and health trouble; Innana here, with job-hunting and family trouble; Francesca, in Europe, with a dog who was badly injured and just too far away, darn it all, even though she sounds like she's doing fine), ageing family members health (FoilMormor's polycythimia vera is present, and she has aches and pains; Aunt Elsebet has had heart attacks and breast cancer and is slowing down; Jenseman is healthy for an 80-year old, but now looks and acts old; Big Bob is drinking too much after a period of sobriety, has a bad limp, and is slowing down; Big Grampa has glaucoma, shingles, colds that last a long, long time, and is driving increasingly erratically; DOL has Alzheimer's or some form of dementia -- she doesn't recognize her cats), my job (going well, but a new head of department, big shakeup, some people got organized into the unemployment line, so it was stressful, and Ms. Bossy doesn't like the new big boss, so that's stressful), and the fate of the Earth (yeah, nothing much happens except airlines going missing, but really, the U.S. has been at war for over a dozen years now -- that looks like war without end -- and the lack of threat to my existence or the well-being of my offspring, who spring around like springboks or Thompson's gazelles. So why am I exhausted? That would be the offspring. Since 6 p.m. on Friday I have: supervised two sleepovers (one for the Valkyrie and her good friend Gretl, and one for SWMBO and her good friend Nora), gotten Gretl and the Valkyrie off to a sailing club boat cleaning and lunch, taken SWMBO shopping for a birthday present for her friend Kaori, then took the dog, Precious, for a two mile hike, then picked up SWMBO from the party, and then took the SWMBO and Nora to a school carnival, then took SWMBO to a skating party, then entertained the Valkyrie, Gretl, and the Valkyrie's swain du momentu Owen (which is a mystery of its own, since the Valkyrie, in no surprise to me, has told me that she's 95% sure she's gay) while they watched Alien (hey, a new generation discovers the glory that is Sigourney Weaver -- that's a good thing), then up at six today to walk Precious, prepare for Sunday school (yup, and this class was All About Jesus), then shopping at Target for spring closes for the FoilFilles. Then making lunch and we'll be off to skating lessons, and then making dinner. At no point have I managed any housecleaning. The FoiFlat (actually, it's a condo, but don't I sound cosmopolitan *snort* when I describe my 3 BR condo as a flat?) is probably due to be condemned shortly -- vacuuming and sweeping are not high on my priority. Plus, at work I am arranging a departmental move, evaluating bids on a 5-6 year, several million dollar contract, as well as handling all the archival functions for my department (not my job, but the person whose job it was had a "career change opportunity"), as well as my own day to day job (lots of research and analysis). I'm trying to line up horseback-riding lessons, summer and spring break camp, tennis camp, golf camp, summer job for the Valkyrie, trips to pick the Valkyrie up from prep school, attend my 35th reunion, attend a big Scandinavian family reunion (gorgeous relatives named Bo, Marcus, Olaf, Sven, Kurt, Rolf, Birgitte, Maren, Gunvor, Birte, Bengt, Benne, Bertil, Sten, Hans, Ole, Signe, Helle, Lars, Lief, Jorgen, Berit, Bodil, Elsebet, Hanne, Lore etc.). How they are all blonde and I'm dark is a mystery. But last night, I sat and listened to another parent at the ice rink detail the horrors of an ongoing custody battle, and felt such an enormous wave of relief. My life is finally boring, and filled with the minutia, the quotidian details that will bore everyone to tears. I'll try to find more interesting things to write about, but oh, I am happily embracing boring exhaustion.

8 comments:

CyberKitten said...

Well that certainly explains why you're exhausted!!!

Foilwoman said...

Yeah, but I want to accomplish more -- and I don't have 600 pounds per annum and a room of my own. Well, I have a room of my own, but it's often crashed by not so small critters -- the offspring (Foilfilles -- The Valkyrie and SWMBo).\

CyberKitten said...

Do you have a hankering to be Virginia Woolf?

Or do you have a novel bursting to get out - if only you had the time?

A novel seems to be periodically bursting into my consciousness at the moment.... It's pretty good too. I'd definitely buy it!

Foilwoman said...

I'm not sure I have the discipline for a novel, and I certainly don't have the willingness to subject myself to criticism (much less rejection), but I think those are burdens I'll have to figure out how to bear.

I'm not a Virginia Woolf fan -- more Alice Munro or Margaret Atwood (or Octavia Butler), although I am insufficently Canadian for the first two.

CyberKitten said...

I'm reading a very good book by Atwood ATM. It's my first of hers and I'm very impressed by her 'voice'.

I don't have a book ready yet - but some 'scenes' popped into my mind over the last 4-5 months complete with character names, political structure, country history and much more besides. It was like watching a movie in my head..... [grin]

Foilwoman said...

Which Atwood book? I've read most of hers, and she is my favorite author, even more than Mario Vargas Llosa, which is saying a lot.

CyberKitten said...

It's called 'In Other Worlds - SF and the Human Imagination' which is a series of articles she's written over the years about - SF.

It's a mixture of Lit Crit and semi-autobiographical stuff. I think it's my first full exposure to Atwood and I'm definitely going to pick up more of her stuff.

dcpeg said...

HA! Never would have guessed util now that you're another Norge. I'm half Norwegian and a close friend is 100% Norge/American and has dark coloring. She say's she's a Black Norwegian.